EGLST   

Windermere 2016

And so it was with frivolity and good cheer

That the EGLST travelled to Windermere

To take part in the annual “Chillswim”

Despite the weather being predictably grim

On boarding the train, the boozing commenced

Leaving one passenger particularly incensed

Who despite her calling as a Buddhist monk

Took umbrage at the cans of carling being sunk!

Undeterred, the group remained in fine voice

Consuming champers and wotsits – the connoisseur’s choice!

Until dinner in the hotel where the guests remained

With Divemaster holding court, keeping all entertained!

And just as the food was beginning to settle

The ladies were asked to show their mettle

And forget about retiring for a much needed kip

To unite instead for a skinny dip!

Saturday breakfast was quite a sight

Leading to the poor waitresses taking flight

From middle aged men as they formed orderly queues

To emblazon their person with Darren’s tattoos!

Race day itself saw our swimmers at their best

Cleaning up in every conceivable test

Whether in the 60, 120 or relay event

As announced on the loudspeaker in the makeshift tent

Celebrations continued long into the night

And who could forget the most beautiful sight

Of the Gundles’ rendition of a timeless song

Sung with gusto by the merry and increasingly pi*sed throng!

And so to Sunday, a walk and pub lunch

Enjoyed by the tired but happy bunch

Before boarding the bus after one final dip

Ahead of the last part of this fantastic trip.

But all was not well as suddenly, a disaster

Tim’s wife, Estelle, boarded the wrong train to Lancaster!

Leaving her husband alone and in dismay

Until their romantic reunion later, in carriage A!

The journey to London was a bit of a disgrace

With passengers scrambling to try and find space

Until “Enough!” exclaimed Piers as he disembarked the train

Never to be seen north of the Watford Gap again!

If in life you need a thrill,

Then make your way to Parliament Hill,

Where on weekend mornings the "ladies" meet,

Come rain or shine, snow or sleet.

The banter's great and there are always jokes,

From this band of eccentric blokes,

Whether teachers, lawyers, dentists or bankers,

You couldn't accuse this lot of being w&&kers!

They can't be missed with their sleek white caps,

And are known to be impartial to schnapps,

Swimming in places from Moscow to Devon,

With the insignia "Moob rule since 2011!"

So why not go and give it a try?

And experience something that money can't buy,

By stripping down to your jammers and shorts,

And taking part in this odd form of sport!

Some may say this group are insane,

But what's swimming in the sea in Spain,

When you know you would rather be,

In the ponds with the EGLST!

Tis the season to be jolly,

And head to the ponds with a bottle of "Bolly",

To remember the reason why we all come here,

For the event that occurs just once a year.

Held in honour of a man named Kearney,

With whom we have shared this special journey,

On early mornings throughout the year,

Dressed in our East German replica gear.

Experiencing memories we’ll never forget,

Whether it’s hot or cold, snowy or wet,

With a group who be it morning, noon or night,

Are known for talking mostly absolute sh*te!

What greater joy in life can there honestly be?

Than enjoying the “crack” with the EGLST,

Whether joshing with lifeguards Terry, Dan or Mick,

Or sampling hot chocolate stirred by Iceman’s d&&k!

So raise your glasses and may I propose a toast,

To the man that we owe it to the most,

Who we affectionately refer to as “our man Tom”,

“Happy Bus Day” - now get your laughing gear around this Jaeger bomb!

Pond Life: Typical weekend conversations !!

Ice: Much consternation this morning after leaving the pond.

It had occurred to me that I had not recalled packing my swimming cap post dip.

I returned to the cowshed, much to the amusement of teacher man, to establish its whereabouts,

It was nowhere to be seen. I have checked and it has not been handed in to the lifeguards.

It may be of course that some character such as Dunne or Showgirl has taken it home to sniff it, or place it on a dais surrounded by candles.

The less likely scenario is that someone has inadvertently put it into their bag.

I am indeed bereft and lost without it. Therefore if it does come to light could someone please let me know.

Oh and another topic entirely: I was compelled to go into Starbucks this morning for one of my kids.

I got stuck behind a rather unattractive woman(so not even the benefit of a cute arse to look at) who ordered the following:

A "venti skinny soy extra hot cinnamon macchiato with an extra shot”

In the words of the great John Malkovich from “Burn after reading” (more reference to Showgirl)

"WHAT THE F**K!” is that!!!!!

the world has now officially gone mad.

Any cap news gratefully received.

Dunne/Showgirl: if you guys have it, at least have the decency to rinse it out and open a window afterwards.

Iceman

Darren / Ice conversation:

Darren : "ice, what's up"

Ice : "I've lost my cap"

Darren : "You're wearing it"

Ice looks confused. Touches his head.

Ice : "No, the swimming one. I can't find it. I think it's in my bag"

Darren can't see a bag

Darren : "Ice, you're not wearing a bag"

Ice looks flustered

Ice : "no, I know. The bag is in my car."

Darren is now laughing. But need's to clear one thing up.

Darren : "Ice, where's your car?"

Ice: Well it was here when I parked it this morning?

I still can't find it, so if anyone has seen that please let me know

Jamie ( being helpful after a swim in Lake Zurich) !!

Jamie:Ice, check the Model Boat Pond. You may have left the handbrake off.

Tim chimes in:

Tim: I picked up a cap that had been left behind last weekend - will bring it in tomorrow.

Can't help with the car..

Ice has the final word:

Ice: Christ they say I'm confused!

No: It was THIS MORNING DEAR! Not last weekend. THIS MORNING.

Don't worry , would you like a cup of tea or a lie down?

Or some of my lithium?

Oh no, have you wet yourself again don't worry!

Nick's openning volley on 30/10/2015

Are we missing a clarion call?

Gimp are you joining us tomorrow?

Iceman

Andrew being helpful !!

I'll run and swim with you. Don't worry - YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Gets Nick going ( to a chorous of where's the Lithium) !!

But I feel so alone. During the day it's not so bad but it's the night time...

When the Demons come, the shadows of the past.

Old enemies, and sometimes worse still old friends. I can see them , I can see them like it was yesterday.

Their eyes, it was always the eyes, so trusting always believing, always hopeful. Until the end of course, the denunciation the disbelief. Then the cellars and then then screaming begins.

My god those screams. What were they doing to them in there, of course I knew of course I knew only too well because I too have taken part in those "games"

 I've seen what a man can do to another man , in the name of patriotism in the name of honour,and in the name of belief.

And so the darkness comes but not alone , no my friend never alone. He's in good company with the other three Horsemen of the Apocalypse: fear, betrayal and death.

All of those moments lost in time like tears in rain.

Leads to some best hot chocolate claims from Athens & gets Tom going !!

Is it just me? Gimp where are you?

The subtle rib. The Har Harty Har Har.

Must we settle for a witty reposte?

from some island afar?

You See Ice? The Gimp is AWOL!

He¹s not on the same part our earth!

We must go to the water tomorrow.

devoid of real mirth.

We¹ll just have to make due

With your proffered chocolate brew.

And long for the day

When The Gimp we¹ll view.

Tim Russell wrote on 21/4/2015

Homage to Ken

Where do we begin to tell the tale

Of Sailor boy’s quest for the holy grail

To receive the one and only award

Granted by the “Eis Balls committee board”?

The challenge was there and had to be met

To complete 31 swims and not forget

To send daily photos for all to see

Of his exploits in water under 10 degrees C

It started well when the weather was still cold

But at some point was almost put on hold

When the water temperature began to rise

As recorded on the board that never lies

Undeterred and thanks to his granite will

Our Ken persevered throughout the winter chill

As nothing on earth was going to stop this man

From ensuring that he stuck to his game plan

At times he drove his PA to distraction

With what can only be described as urine extraction

In organising work around his daily dips

On his frequent and varied foreign trips

Whether early morning, noon or night

Sailor boy did what we all know is right

And upheld the honour of a fine institution

Even running the risk of a Welsh persecution!

So let us doff our white caps to the great man Ken

And congratulate him for his commitment once again

No Eis Balls Cup this year, it’s true

But we in the EGLST salute you!

On April 7, 2015 Iceman wrote:

To Kenneth

Our sailor boy made a mistake

By swimming alone in a lake

The signs were quite clear

Danger deepwater, You should'nt ouughta

Be swimming solo, in here.

In this instance young ken was not wise

Determined to not heed the signs

Despite nearby crowd he hollered aloud

And proceeded to his exercise.

At once he attracted the ire

Of the local welsh caravan squire

You should not be in (look you), solo bathings a sin

If you drown we are all in the mire!

Young kenneth with usual charm

Sent pikeys face red with alarm

As He said with a grin , thanks for letting me swim

You're so right, It's quite safe, what's the harm?

Now nothing can guarantee rancour

More than lip from some north London wanker

The sheep shaggers gave chase

To the station ken raced

And fled back to town, what chancer!!

Iceman

On Sunday, 22 March 2015 20:35 Tim Russell wrote:

Inspired by this weekend's events, I have put pen to paper to record the following - hope you enjoy it!

Cambridge 2015

"Last call" announced the tannoy for the 17:44,

as the ladies met for their Cambridge tour,

and boarded the train with wine and beer,

in anticipation of the trip of the year.

First stop the library known as the “Perne”,

for pre-dinner drinks and a chance to learn,

about the history of a fine old college,

where Red as a student acquired his knowledge.

And then on to dinner in the Combination Room,

for a lot more fun one would correctly presume,

involving speeches, white caps and yet more liquor,

all captured by Darren and placed on flickr!

Saturday morning began with despair,

as the ladies appeared much the worse for wear,

but inspired by Mylrea their guide and leader,

they set off for the Cam without stopping for a breather.

Upon arrival at the banks of the river,

the ladies disrobed and began to shiver,

some wore jammers, some were buff,

my word, these ladies really were tough!

And what a sight it must have been,

to locals unfamiliar with white neoprene,

seeing bobbing heads again and again,

exit the water to quaff whisky, courtesy of Ken!

So our thanks again to Paul and Red,

for an excellent adventure it must be said,

and when we reflect on our time in the Cam,

let us remember the words “per frigus vincam!”

Nice swim this morning, with swans, ducks and old coots.  Sign said 9C, but I'm sure it was a little warmer. The good news is that Vikas resurfaced after being prodded by me.  Paul was assigned to look for him when he's there with his diving team on Wednesday.  Glad to see that Vikas is OK and plans to be back in the water this weekend.

On Saturday, the Ice Man was able to cajole his son Charlie for another dip, for which Charlie was presented with a genuine East German Army Issue cap (as modelled by Bessie earlier this week) for "2 dips under 10C." Nick also brought Pablo from Mexico, who managed to swim 20 mins first time in. I repeat, Pablo's from Mexico. Another Vikas Nanda Conundrum in the making?

Today, Asa Burgess (discoverer of the Asa Burgess Paradox) won a cap for "most sub-10 swims by under 18 year old" at this mornings swim. An especially good turnout today, including youngsters two Noah Burgess and Noah Taylor, plus David "Itamar's dad" and Dwight at pond side.

WIth John and Dwight absent for the runs this weekend, the pace was much more humane, as proven by the fact that I was the first to arrive at the ponds and was the first in the water too. Don't count on that happening again!

Speaking of not happening, we're beginning to look for Vikas's face on milk cartons. Please sign in Vikas and let us know you're ok. Is 9C too warm for you?

A blurry picture of this morning in Today's Swim folder. Still waiting on David's photos from a couple of weeks ago and Nick's photos from yesterday.

I will be in the ponds ca 0830 tomorrow. It's Monday…why not?